Love is Never Having to Argue Over the Remote, or: How I Stopped Watching and Learned to Love the Calm

I don’t know about you, but in my house it was my dad who was almost always in charge of the remote.  Once it was in his hands, he would not let it go. It was so bad that if he dozed off while watching something no one else wanted to watch (usually golf), and you tried to quietly slip the remote out of his hand, he’d immediately snap “I’m watching that!” and tighten his grip. Seriously, it got to the point where if my mom or I somehow gained ownership of the thing we would guard it, even hide it, just to be able to hold on to it for an entire episode of whatever circa 1995 show we wanted to watch (because my dad also liked to watch about three shows at once which meant you always missed a key moment or awesome one-liner in any given episode when he’d inevitably flip back from the commercial break a minute or two late).

But isn’t that generally the (stereotypical) rule of thumb…man = remote-crazy? (Although I concede that my dad may have taken it a bit farther than that…)

Well mark this as yet another stereotype busted because Jason is pretty much the opposite. I am actually the one who is in possession of the remote more often than not in our family. This is largely due to the fact that I watch more TV during the week than Jason does (as you might recall).  But even on the weekend he pretty much avoids the TV unless there is something specific he wants to watch.  I think part of this also has to do with our differing abilities to focus and/or comfort level with noise. I have always been able to tune things out (TV, people talking around me, etc) when I am reading or doing other things that require attention.  In fact, I actually really like background noise…I find I get more distracted the quieter things are. In high school and college I always liked studying or writing papers with music in the background. And so today when I am cooking, surfing the internet, or even reading a magazine I often have the TV on too (usually on the Food Network which, not surprisingly, is my go-to when I need background noise or when there is nothing else on that interests me).

Jason is the exact opposite. He does not tolerate extraneous noise well and is easily distracted when the TV is on. So when he asks “are you watching that?” he is not usually asking because he wants to change the channel but because he wants to turn the TV off so he can focus on the latest issue of Wired or Kiplinger’s. This wasn’t always the case. While we were still dating Jason was more prone to turning the TV on, I think because he felt guilty pulling out the magazine or laptop when I was hanging out at his place and/or felt funny bringing it over when he was at mine. So it wasn’t until we got married that I realized how much extra TV (meaning stuff I don’t even like or care about) I actually watch during the week. 

But you know what they say about admitting a problem is the first step to recovery….lately I’ve been much more apt to turn the TV off if I am not watching something I actually care about. And I have to say, I am starting to enjoy the silence.