Pink Tasks/Blue Tasks

One of the most important conversations for newlyweds (or even for two people living together) to have is the one where you discuss/divvy up household chores.  This is a topic that can be fraught with frustration and tension and, if not handled properly, could possibly even lead to resentment for years to come.  In other words, YOU NEED TO DO IT.

As a modern woman, I have been brought up to believe that I can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan (or something like that), that I can essentially have/do it all.  But the thing is, I don’t really want to do it all.  At least not all the time (and especially not when it comes to housework).  I am a firm believer that it is important for each member of a family to pull his/her own weight and for each person’s contribution to be recognized and respected.  Since Jason and I equally share the responsibility for generating income, it seems only natural that we also share other aspects of work that goes into building (and maintaining) a life together.

Deciding who is going to do what when it comes to household chores (the delineation of which Jason likes to call “Pink Tasks” and “Blue Tasks” for what I assume are obvious reasons :P) has been an evolving process, mostly because I didn’t make it easy on myself in the beginning. For all my talk about equality and partnership, I started things out on the opposite foot.  It was like the minute Jason moved in, this desire to be seen as some sort of domestic goddess and to make-a-nice-home-for-my-man kicked in and before I knew what was happening, I was doing the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry…and pretty much everything else.  And of course Jason didn’t complain because, let’s be honest, who doesn’t love to be taken care of?!  (Not me!) About two weeks into it, the honeymoon really was officially over and I realized we needed to change course IMMEDIATELY. 

Unfortunately, it took another month (and several discussions, passive aggressive comments and a handful of stupid fights) or so before I was able to completely undo the damage I had (inadvertently) done.  Today, however we have settled into a system of household tasks that pretty much works for us:

• My “Pink Tasks” include: Meal planning, cooking dinner, dusting, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, unloading the dishwasher*, doing laundry*, going to the grocery store*,  folding/putting away MY clothes, taking care of my car, paying the rent, and handling any Christmas/bday/thank you cards (and gifts) for friends and family. I also (more often than not) serve as social chair.
• Jason’s “Blue Tasks” include: making breakfast on the weekend, doing the dishes, paying bills and managing finances (including doing the taxes), vacuuming, making the bed in the morning,* watering the plants, folding/putting away HIS clothes, taking care of his car, and taking out the trash. He also serves as our IT administrator and electronics guru.

* 8 times out of 10 I unload the dishwasher (because even though Jason has lived here for 6 months he still doesn’t know where everything goes) and do the laundry but Jason occasionally pitches in as well.  Likewise, Jason makes the bed most of the time with me pitching in on the weekends.  Lately we have been going to the grocery store together but otherwise I go by myself.

As I said, this is still a work in progress and things are likely to change as our life together evolves. If and when we get a house/adopt a dog/have children, all of this will have to be revisited and revised. I should also say that this is what works for us...obviously not every couple is going to do things in the same way. What is important (in my only-been-married-six-months opinion) is that you have the conversation early and often in order to make sure that no one feels overburdened in the relationship.

I also think it is equally important to acknowledge the work your significant other is doing on a regular basis. It is easy to take things like cooking dinner 4-5 nights a week for granted after the novelty has worn off, but as the one doing it I know it is a lot of hard work. So when Jason sincerely thanks me for making him such an “awesome meal” it makes my effort seem worthwhile and helps keep me going. Likewise, I know that doing a sink full of dishes/vacuuming the apartment/fixing my computer when all he wants to do is read the latest issue of The Economist sucks, so I try and go out of my way to say “thank you” as often as possible.  Hopefully we’ll be able to keep this up for the next 20 years! But if not, at least I’ll have this blog to remind me of the good old days.